


Death of a Bachelor at the overpass

by storminaglass708



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bachelor Party, Brendon Urie - Freeform, Closure, Death of a Bachelor, I'm Sorry, It's kinda sad, Lost Love, M/M, Ryan Ross - Freeform, Ryden, Songfic, Strong Language, english is not my first language, i dare u all to search for all references, the overpass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 03:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20269588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storminaglass708/pseuds/storminaglass708
Summary: Tomorrow Brendon is getting married, but right now he's getting really really drunk.So of course he calls Ryan.





	Death of a Bachelor at the overpass

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's my first Ryden story and english is not my first language so there might be few mistakes, but i really hope you'll like it. It's a bit sad, but we stan sad love stories in this household.

That evening was supposed to be different. 

I should have fun with the guys, drink hell of amount of alcohol, play pool and just celebrate the fact that tomorrow at this time I'm gonna be a married man. I want to have butterflies at the thought of Sarah looking absolutely gorgeous in her white dress walking down the aisle to became mine for the rest of our lives. I want to feel excitement or happiness or just literally anything else except what I'm feeling now. Because I definitely don't want to miss Him. Not today. Not anymore. But I do and fuck, how can I not to?

"Everything okay?" barman asks, taking empty glass standing in front of me and replacing it with another full one. He's pretty handsome, I must admit, but too masculine for my type. I like skinny boys with curly brown hair and pretty dark eyes, ones that writes poems and breaks promises.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You look lonely"

Do I? Zack keeps telling me I don't look the same for few weeks now and even I can see that weird shadow on my face every time I look at my own reflection. But it's just nerves, right? At least that what's Sarah says and she's always right so I don't have reasons to be worried. She saved me this few years ago and since the day we've met she keeps doing that every single minute. I won't be able to repay her for all her kindness but I'm gonna spend rest of my days trying.

"You're the love of my life" that's what she said earlier that evening, right before she went to her own bachelorette party and it just felt like the lace of her dress tangled my neck and tried to suffocate me. She was so good to me. Too good for me. I should be fucking happy that she loves me and wants me, because she's perfect. Everything is perfect, Bren, stop it. You and her, that's how it supposed to be. You two are perfectly fitting for happily ever after and how could you even ask for more? You ungrateful bitch.

I'm trying to cut my mind off, but I can't. I'm in too sentimental mood tonight. I can smell vanilla scent in my nose, the sweet poison I hate so much, scent of a slut as I told once, now only associated with Him. I kept one of his shirt just because it smelt like that. In _The Heart Rate of a Mouse_, that beautiful stupid thing, he kept mine, but in real life I'm the one who's pitiful. I haven't looked at it for years but i still have it in the box that noone can touch, because it's filled with memories of him. Years have gone by and I still can't forget, but I guess it's pretty normal considering how everyone reminds me of his existence, of his words and this love that wasn't enough for him.

I still love you. I do.

"Hi" I know that voice too well. "Is this seat taken?"

I lift my head up and see him, beautiful as angel but older, more mature and strangely unknown for me. But it's Ryan. My Ryan. No matter how he cuts his hair or what clothes he wears he will always be the same guy who sang me lullabies and filled my head with dreams that we were supposed to fulfilled together. Liar. Traitor. Ryan. My heart feels like it's going to burst.

"I didn't think you'd come."

He's taking seat next to me and order himself some whisky. That's good. I don't want to drink alone.

"I wanted to congratulate you" he's not looking at me and I truly can't bear it. All I want is to see those eyes full of stars and infinity. Maybe it's the last time i'm able to do it.

"You're getting married tomorrow. Who would have thought?"

I would. I started to think about marriage long before I even met Sarah. I dreamed about having beautiful house, dogs and person I love waiting for me in our king sized bed. Dreamed about life full of laughter and music and poetry. Dreamed about morning kisses and shower sex and Sunday breakfast and holidays. I dreamed about sharing all of this with him. But you can't always have what you want.

"Sorry I won't be able to come."

"Don't worry about that."

It will be better for the both of us. I'm not sure what would I do if I saw him there.

"How are you?"

"Stop it" it's the first time he's looking at me and I'm mesmerized. Fuck, I forgot how beautiful he is. "You texted me night before your wedding, you wanted to meet up, you dragged me across the whole city so you could just ask me how am I?"

I did it because I miss you. I did it because I want you to say you still loves me and that I should cancel the wedding. I did it for us because it's our last chance to make up for our mistakes and get back where we belong - to each other. I did it so the world would make sense again, so the sun and the moon could be together once again just as the soulmates supposed to do.

_Love me, love me. Say that you love me. I can't care about anything but you._

_I love love love you._

But I can't tell him that.

"Well, I'm drunk as you can see. And I don't know, I'm thinking about life and stuff. Deep shit, you know."

"It's nice that you associating me with deep shit." Yeah, it's still him. That sarcastic bastard. My little lipstick boy.

"You have to admit, that there was a lot of deepness between us" he smiles at that comment and I'm suddenly out of breath. He's perfect. Right from his "The Beatles" shirt down to his blood type. I need to kiss him.

"Yeah, it was."

"Yet still not enough for you."

"We've talked about it."

We did. We wouldn't work out. Sooner or later we would have break each other hearts anyway. We both were proud, stupid and too young for love like this. We fought, we screamed, we fucked, we pretended to know everything about life. Continually drunk, high as a kite all the time, we thought we had figured it out. Crazy fuckers but also crazy for each other and I couldn't stop wonder if there's some parallel universe where we could be happy together. A man can dream, right?

There's silence between us, but not uncomfortable one. I guess we both need this, our last goodbye, final closure. He finished his drink so I'm ordering him another one.

"That's on me"

He smiles, but it's a fucking sad smile, one that will break your heart in million pieces. And my heart is already in shreds.

"She's lucky, you know?"

Why are you saying things like this? Why are you doing this to me? You can't do this. You have no rights! I shouldn't have call him. I shouldn't. It was such a bad idea.

"Thanks."

That could have been you. I wanted so badly for you to be it.

"Everything's gonna change now. Are you ready for this?"

He seems so casual about it but I know him too well to be fooled by his acting.

"Are you ready for it?"

He looks at me, right in my eyes and suddenly I can see everything on his face. Every moment we spent together, every sweet kiss, every rushed sex. White sheets from our favorite hotel in Seattle. Bruises on his skin from my hands that had been holding him too tight. Lyrics of our songs written on the skin.

"I knew that at one point it's going to happen" I clench my jaw, trying not to cry when he looks away.

"Fuck" i mutter and ask barman for another glass. "It's my bachelor party but it feels like some kind of funeral or other shit."

"Well, it's the same thing if you think about it. Since tomorrow you won't be Brendon Urie that I knew. You won't be my Brendon" the last two words are like punch to my guts and i'm not able to speak so I just keep staring at him. "You'll became hers. You'll be new married Brendon that I will have no idea about."

I want to hug him. I want to kiss him. I want to run away with him and live our fucked up lives together.

"So it's like death of a bachelor?" I ask and he nods smirking like a little kid.

"Yeah. Good song title, don't you think?"

It is. It really is. He did it again, my sweet genius. My infinite inspiration. My muse. My silent. My Moon.

"Can I kiss you?" words escapes my mouth without thinking. He doesn't look surprised. "For the last time, I just, you can think of it as a wedding gift or goodbye gift or I don't know, I-"

"Bren" he interrupts me. "Stop it."

And then he does it. He leans towards me, so I can smell this fucking vanilla scent, and one second later his lips are on mine, and I can breath again, flying through bright sky and growing roses in my lungs. Ryan. It's Ryan. My soulmate. My everything. And it all falls into place, nothing matters except for him and his body pressed to mine, and it's alright. It's just as it should be, the right place, finally. Kissing him tastes like coming home after being lost in the maze for years.

But it has to end so it does. Too early, but I know even few years of kissing him wouldn't be enough. My lips are burning, as well as my skin, both already longing for his touch.

"I really hope you'll be happy, Brendon. That's all I've ever wished for you."

I know that. I'm wishing him the same. It's time for new beginning for the both of us and I'm really hoping we'll both find happiness.

"Let's go get you a cab, okay?"

"Okay."

The air smells like mourning when I we're leaving the bar. There's a lot of taxi here, but I'm not ready to say goodbye, not yet.

"Wanna smoke?"

"Sure."

We're not even talking, I guess there's no words left, but just his presence makes everything better. I will be miss it so much.

"You should definitely go home. It's late."

So there's this moment. The moment of truth. The end of ending. I get into the cab, looking at him one last time.

"Thanks for everything, Urie. And I'm sorry too. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the best day of your life."

_For the new me, yeah_, I want to say, _for the dead bachelor it will always be the every fucking day he spent with you_. But I don't do this. It's better for both of us that I don't. I smile at him and then nod towards driver, meaning we can go now. Ryan's still on the street, standing next to the old Brendon and our love, both bruised and tired of trying.

When I drive away I can see through the rear window how they're all fading away.


End file.
